41. Real estate is cooked so we moved to Azeroth
Plus: the Vatican's surprising investment strategy, a heroic dog, and Shia LaBeouf doing Shia LaBeouf things.
Today’s letter includes: Why the housing crisis has a new (virtual) frontier; the Olympic scandal roundup we needed; a pierogi plush that broke the internet; Croatia's new plan to make tourists slightly less embarrassing; Prince Andrew’s birthday surprise; and Soho House officially colonizing the Hudson Valley.'
It’s Sunday. You’re scrolling past picture 34 of a four-bedroom Colonial in a zip code you cannot afford. You’re mentally repainting the kitchen and judging the previous owners’ furniture choices. You’re not looking to buy. You’re not pre-approved. You are simply a person with a dream and an internet connection.
Zillow — the app millennials use to doom-scroll houses they can’t afford — has partnered with World of Warcraft so players can browse fantasy homes they can afford (because they’re not real). The microsite features 3D tours, SkyTour-style visuals, and faction-specific listings like Stormwind townhouses and Horde-influenced bungalows.
There are two in-game real estate agents — Auriella Lightbeam for the Alliance and Grak’zul the Stable-Master for the Horde. A moment of silence for the fact that someone got paid to name those characters.
But funny as it all is, the cultural undertone is actually kind of bleak. WoW players have been asking for in-game housing for nearly two decades. Two decades of logging into a fully realized fantasy world and having nowhere to put your stuff, hang your raid trophies, or just exist somewhere that felt like yours.
That desire is coming from a generation that grew up being told homeownership was the logical next step, then watched that step become harder and harder to obtain. If I can’t have a place to customize and call my own in real life, why not have a sick house in World of Warcraft?
Zillow knows this. Their own press release described the partnership as arriving “at a time when buying, selling or renting can feel overwhelming or out of reach.” And their brand platform for 2026 is called Someday Starts Today ie. if you can’t have a real house, you can get the digital home of your dreams.
It’s a clever piece of brand marketing that also inadvertently reveals a lot about where we are culturally with homeownership.
The welcome mat is free, by the way. In-game only.
Rumor has it that Substack is suppressing free content. If you’d like to resist the algorithm pushing paid content only, then liking, sharing, quoting and restacking this newsletter will help! <3
Let’s talk about the Olympics. (Hi Lizzie, who is there rn!)
Scandalo! Here is an amusing round up: “Credit card theft, penis injections, and other weird scandals from the 2026 Olympic Games.”
Pierogi plush! Demand for pierogi plushes surged after one appeared as Poland’s unofficial mascot at the Winter Olympics. It turns out, the only place in the U.S. selling the plush is the singular Polish restaurant in America recognized by the Michelin Guide: Pierozek in Brooklyn. They’re already sold out.
The plush itself is sourced from Luft.Katowice, an online store with products made by people with disabilities. The post captions are so wholesome, including: “to A dumpling is the only dumpling you can’t eat, but you can hug it! ” and “With our Dumpling even Monday becomes nicer!”Canine calamity! A 2-year-old Czechoslovakian wolfdog named Nazgul — who escaped from a nearby B&B because he missed his owners — crashed the women’s cross-country sprint and crossed the finish line ahead of the skiers.
Tesla’s Robotaxi have already been in 14 accidents. They rolled out in Austin, TX in June. In addition to property damage, at least two incidents resulted in minor injuries, including a passenger’s hospitalization.
Maxxing to the max. Magasin announced a new longevity and aesthetics newsletter, in which Laura Reilly catalogued her eye-watering roster of January medical appointments and biohacking rituals — Botox, Emface, IPL, a 17-pill daily supplement stack, a peptide taken subcutaneously, and red light therapy, to name a few.
The vehement reaction in the comments comes down to class: readers are pushing back on whether this level of body optimization is aspirational wellness culture or an expensive, anxiety-fueling arms race that only the wealthy can afford.
Palantir is moving its headquarters from Denver to Miami. This is the second move after previously relocating from Palo Alto to Denver in 2020. Flights between NYC and Miami are about to get even more insufferable and entitled.
Shia LaBeouf is doing Mardi Gras like only he can. I sort of love that LaBeouf has somehow stayed relevant since his ‘Even Stevens’ days just by being kinda crazy. Several outlets reported that he was arrested for alleged physical altercation at Mardi Gras. He broke silence after his arrest with a two word post where he wrote: “Free me,” with no period. Other amusing headlines include: “Shia LaBeouf Seen Church-Hopping After Humiliating Mardi Gras Arrest” and “Shia LaBeouf immediately returns to partying at Mardi Gras after release from jail.” Which is true? We may never know.
Croatia wants you to be less drunk and annoying. Split, Croatia — a gorgeous seaside town that has skyrocketed in popularity over the last decade — has put a curfew on alcohol sales. No alcohol sales in shops and liquor stores from 8 p.m. to 6 a.m. The measure aims to “curb public drunkenness and reposition Croatia as a family-friendly destination.” So if you want to get rowdy, you’ll need to plan ahead.
At least someone is taking the Epstein files seriously. Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor has been arrested on suspicion of misconduct in public office following Epstein file revelations. His arrest is thought to be the first time a member of the royal family has been held by police in modern history.
The Guardian reports: “The former prince, who was stripped of his titles last year but remains eighth in line to the throne, was held in custody on his 66th birthday by Thames Valley police as officers searched the Norfolk property as well his former home in the Royal Lodge in Great Windsor Park.”
Capybara palate cleanser! A cutie named Prune won the annual Capybara Long Bath Showdown, where five zoos from across Japan face off to see which of their capybaras takes the longest soak in an outdoor bath.
Soho House Upstate is officially happening. After months of speculation, Soho House has received permission to break ground on Soho Farmhouse Rhinebeck — a 250-acre estate with a stone barn restaurant, carriage house speakeasy, and 21 cabins. For anyone who’s watched the Hudson Valley slowly transform from “affordable artist escape” to “second borough for people who hate the Hamptons,” this is the official closing ceremony. Rhinebeck locals: condolences or congratulations, depending on your feelings about this sort of thing.
O’ Holy Wall Street. The Vatican Bank launched a Catholic values stock index in partnership with Morningstar — and its top US holding is Meta??? Unclear which Catholic values Meta is being recognized for, but we’ll leave that between Mark Zuckerberg and God.
Thanks for reading!