31. On whether or not to have children
The progressive moms in my Instagram feed who made me rethink everything
Today’s letter includes: Holiday Markets, albino alligators, Shania Twain lyrics in relation to Mortgage rates, a labor market update, and intel on why Gen Z tv shows basically don’t exist.
Hi friends.
Having children is one of life’s great joys, great challenges, great questions. Certainly as a woman in her 30’s in NYC, it’s a normal thing to ask, “do you want children?” over dinner.
charli xcx captured the thought process many women have gone through in I think about it all the time - a raw stream of conscious song off her album BRAT. She expresses her worry about “running out of time” and also the magic of experiencing motherhood and what that unlocks: “She’s a radiant mother, and he’s a beautiful father. And now they both know these things that I don’t.”
🎼
I think about it all the time
That I might run out of time
But I finally met my baby
And a baby might be mine
‘Cause maybe one day I might
If I don’t run out of time
Would it make me miss all my freedom?
I think about it all the time
It’s fascinating to compare cultural references like these lyrics with decades past. There was a not so distant time when the majority of Americans universally saw having children as an important and obvious thing to do.
“It was a great disappointment to find that even at Harvard most people’s plan was to have children and amass money for them.” - From Either/Or by Elif Batuman (writing about 1996)
Now the Gen Z gender divide makes headlines regularly. Gen Z men who backed Trump in 2024 rated having children at the top of a list of choices of how to define personal success. Gen Z women who backed Harris rated it second to last (NBC). But it’s not just politics. In big cities, where the population predominantly votes for Democrats, people are vocally lamenting about the prohibitive cost of going on dates.
“You could just opt out and not drink Aperol Spritzes, but if you want to date, procreate, or just participate and be present in society, you have to have the ability to pay for about 3 Aperol Spritzes and a plate of olives each night, which explains why the birth rate is so low.” - Chef Eddie Huang (writing about 2025)
So, what does the declining birth rate mean for the future of our society? According to the New York Times’ Ross Douthat, it’s simple: “Conservatives have more kids, liberals have fewer - conservatives own the future.”
It unfortunately makes all too much sense when you look at the data. That’s when two of my friends came to mind. Two progressive women who are defying stereotypes and have had 4 children each.
The army of mom-fluencers on social media are inherently not interesting to me, as I neither care about their children nor need product recommendations for children of my own, but I love following Hannah and Jessica’s families on Instagram. Their home life looks warm and exciting (something is always happening with 4 kids) and it’s inspiring to see them navigate this difficult world, teaching their kids about the importance of standing up for what you believe in.
I asked them what led them to have a big family, how they met their significant others, and if it impacted their careers and identities.
You can read it here:
Quarters Holiday Market looks cute. December 5–7 with Ghia and December 13–14 with Comme Si.
“That Don’t Impress Me Much” -U.S. homebuyers. Mortgage rates retreated to 6.28% this week, down from 6.32% last week, according to Bankrate’s national survey of lenders, but applications for mortgages showed little change.
Australia’s next generation is going to be smarter than ours. Australia is placing social media restrictions for everyone under the age 16 from December 10.
RIP Claude. No not the AI, a different SF icon. The albino alligator has passed after bringing joy to the Bay Area for 17 years at California Academy of Sciences and correctly got the Sarah McLachlan treatment below.
The U.S. labor market took an unexpected hit in November. Private companies cut 32,000 jobs, according to data released Wednesday by payrolls processing firm ADP. I’ll be monitoring to see if it bounces back in January when budgets reset.
There are no Gen Z tv shows and Gen Z apparently likes it that way? I enjoyed this article from The Ankler. about how HBO’s I Love LA and FX’s Adults are basically the only shows squarely about the Gen Z experience, the country’s second-largest demographic (after millennials).
Whitney Friedlander writes:
“So the question is… why, after decades of network phenoms like NBC’s Friends, Fox’s Living Single and New Girl, and CBS’ How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory, zeitgeisty HBO entries Girls and creator-star Issa Rae’s Insecure, and cult hits from Comedy Central’s Broad City and TBS’ Search Party to ABC’s Happy Endings, is there so much less TV these days about being young and single and just figuring it all out with a little help from your friends?”
Waymos make illegal U-turns now! Honestly thank god. The company says it’s part of an effort to make the cars “confidently assertive.” Waymo announced plans for human drivers to test their cars in Baltimore, Pittsburgh and St. Louis.
Rumor has it that Substack is suppressing free content. If you’d like to resist the algorithm pushing paid content only, then liking, sharing, quoting and restacking this newsletter will help! <3
In honor of the fact I will be in LA and SF all next week.
